Reflecting on Selflessness and Assertiveness
I used to be puzzled by why people reacted negatively when I didn’t stand up for myself and instead prioritized others’ preferences. For instance, rather than expressing my choice of movie to friends, I would ask for their opinions. I often reassured myself, saying, “I’m just being considerate of others.” I questioned, “Since when is being unselfish a bad thing?” My aversion to disappointing others runs deep. When I do let someone down, I tend to withdraw both physically and emotionally, fearing that future interactions will lead to more disappointment. In my mind, the best course of action is to simply “stay out of their way.” But I wonder: is this behavior truly rooted in my concern for others, or does it stem from my own low self-esteem?
Understanding Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)
In the scenario described, I might hesitate to recommend a movie out of concern that my friends won’t enjoy it. However, it’s also possible that the film could be quite good. Additionally, if I leave the decision entirely to them, they might end up choosing a movie that isn’t as enjoyable. For those who are not highly sensitive people (non-HSPs) and feel frustrated when HSPs withdraw or are overly critical of themselves, it’s important to be mindful of their challenges. Providing positive reinforcement when they succeed can make a significant difference. Moreover, try not to rush to judgment. If an HSP is feeling upset, they might just need a little time alone to process their emotions. This is perfectly acceptable. Criticizing them immediately after a mistake or questioning their sensitivity can make it harder for them to recover from the emotional slump that often follows a misstep. This approach can be detrimental to everyone involved.
