Here are three reasons I have identified as to why I tend to be hard on myself, and how I try to overcome them.
My Struggles with Self-Assertion
Throughout my life, I have found it challenging to assert myself, whether it involves applying for jobs, making new friends, or asking women out on dates (I’m happily married now). For instance, if I forget to pick up dinner on my way home from work, it reinforces the negative beliefs I hold about myself, and it often takes me a significant amount of time to bounce back from that feeling. To those who aren’t highly sensitive, this may seem trivial, but it’s a genuine struggle for me. I’ve heard it said that it takes seven positive experiences to counteract a single negative one. For me, it feels like I need to remember to go to the store successfully more than seven times before I can truly let go of the one instance I forgot.
Strategies for Overcoming Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can be a lifelong challenge for those who experience it. Those who haven’t faced this struggle often find it hard to understand. We frequently hear that self-love is a choice and that it’s our own responsibility if we fail to embrace it, but the reality is much more complex. What helps me is recognizing that every human being has intrinsic value. The fact that others choose to be in my life is a testament to the value they see in me as well. Feel free to let me know if you’d like any further adjustments!
heart failure sleep position
Pursuing Excellence
I am committed to striving for excellence and continuous improvement. Whenever I recognize a weakness, my instinct is to address it. If I make a mistake, I focus on ensuring that I learn from it to avoid repeating the same error in the future.
Learning from Mistakes
For instance, if I miscalculate figures in a report, I take the time to analyze where I went wrong, so I can be more meticulous next time. Ignoring the mistake would hinder my growth, but by channeling my energy positively, I can learn and improve. Conversely, if I shy away from handling the report out of fear, I’m misusing my energy in a negative way.
Embracing Imperfection
To overcome the fear of making mistakes, I remind myself that perfection is unattainable. Regardless of our intentions, we all stumble at times. I reflect on past errors and how my loved ones continue to accept me despite my flaws. In turn, I extend that same acceptance to them, no matter their missteps.
Shifting Perspective
I also ask myself: who am I truly trying to impress? If I become too focused on impressing myself, I miss out on the opportunity to support others and engage with the world around me. By viewing mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than as personal failures, I unlock the potential for greater achievements. Let me know if you’d like any further adjustments!
Reflecting on Selflessness and Assertiveness
I used to be puzzled by why people reacted negatively when I didn’t stand up for myself and instead prioritized others’ preferences. For instance, rather than expressing my choice of movie to friends, I would ask for their opinions. I often reassured myself, saying, “I’m just being considerate of others.” I questioned, “Since when is being unselfish a bad thing?” My aversion to disappointing others runs deep. When I do let someone down, I tend to withdraw both physically and emotionally, fearing that future interactions will lead to more disappointment. In my mind, the best course of action is to simply “stay out of their way.” But I wonder: is this behavior truly rooted in my concern for others, or does it stem from my own low self-esteem?
Understanding Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)
In the scenario described, I might hesitate to recommend a movie out of concern that my friends won’t enjoy it. However, it’s also possible that the film could be quite good. Additionally, if I leave the decision entirely to them, they might end up choosing a movie that isn’t as enjoyable. For those who are not highly sensitive people (non-HSPs) and feel frustrated when HSPs withdraw or are overly critical of themselves, it’s important to be mindful of their challenges. Providing positive reinforcement when they succeed can make a significant difference. Moreover, try not to rush to judgment. If an HSP is feeling upset, they might just need a little time alone to process their emotions. This is perfectly acceptable. Criticizing them immediately after a mistake or questioning their sensitivity can make it harder for them to recover from the emotional slump that often follows a misstep. This approach can be detrimental to everyone involved.